Wedding Ceremony

Many friends have asked for copies of our wedding ceremony. So, here is the transcript of our wedding ceremony, performed April 24,2010, by Deborah Freel Mihal (Charleston Unitarian Universalist Church Vestry Member).


OPENING (Deb): Friends, on this warm and friendly April afternoon, our fondness for two special people has gathered us here, in this place of natural beauty, to sing and dance and be joyful, in celebration of the relationship of Roger and Amy. This beautiful, green spring day speaks to us of new beginnings in new relationships, as well as in nature.

This spring wedding should remind us that like the seasons, human life - the life of the spirit and the emotions – moves in cycles. To be in a loving relationship does not guarantee an eternal summer. To make a sincere and honest commitment does not promise an end to all struggle.

What a good relationship does offer is opportunity for renewal. It recognizes the abiding, shared hope that after every winter, spring will come again.In marriage we make a commitment to patiently weather the cold and bitter times, to protect and tend that original love-seed until it bursts into bloom again.

We are here to celebrate a beginning, and to acknowledge that love, as anything else we would have abide for long, requires sustaining care and nurture. In making this declaration to their family and friends, Roger and Amy express their eagerness to take up this lifelong challenge in seriousness and in joy.

READING (Trish)
The minute I heard my first love story

I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along. (Rumi)

AFFIRMATION (Deb): Amy and Roger, have you come here today on the banks of this river to affirm your commitment to each other?

We have.

VOWS (Deb): Roger, will you take Amy as your wife, will you pledge to share your life openly with her, to speak the truth to her, in love? Will you promise to honor and tenderly care for her, to encourage her fulfillment as an individual through all the changes in your
lives?

Will you be protector, provider, mentor, teacher, companion, and parent to Sarah, loving her forever?

(Roger): I will.

(Deb): Amy, will you promise to be a good and faithful wife to Roger, and also a patient, loving parent to Chloe and Rachel, caring for them and providing for them as your own? Do you promise to be their strength and their emotional support, loving them forever?

(Amy): I will.

(Deb): Today, we celebrate not only a new relationship between Amy and Roger, but also the beginning of new relationships between their children.

Sarah: do you promise to love and respect your mother’s husband?

(Sarah): I do.

Chloe and Rachel, do you promise to love and respect your father’s wife?

Do you all promise to support their marriage and new family? Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being their children, and to encourage them and support them in your new life together?"

(Chloe and Rachel): We do.

(Sarah, Chloe, and Rachel): We will.

Gifts for Children

EXCHANGE OF RINGS (Deb): May I have the rings, please? The rings you give and receive this day are the symbols of the endless love into which you enter as husband and wife. Such a love has no beginning and no ending, no giver and no receiver. You are each the beginning and the ending, each the giver and the receiver.

(Hand ring to Roger)
Roger: "I Roger, give you Amy, this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you."

(Hand ring to Amy)

Amy: “I, Amy, give you Roger, this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you.”

Second READING (Trish)

In your light I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest,
where no one sees you,
but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art. (Rumi)

HANDFASTING

(Deb): Handfasting is an ancient Celtic custom, especially common in Ireland and Scotland, in which a man and woman came together at the start of their marriage relationship. Their hands, or more accurately, their wrists, were literally tied together. The expressions "join hands in marriage" and "tie the knot" originated from handfasting rituals. The bride and groom take hands, right to right and left to left. From above this is seen as the infinity symbol. The union cord is then used to bind the hands together. The white color of the cord symbolizes peace, serenity and devotion. The lover’s knot, or the knot of destiny, is tied in the name of love. As the hands are bound together, so their lives and spirits are joined in a sacred union of joy, love, trust, and mutual support.

Know now before you go further, that since your lives have crossed in this life you have formed ties between each other. As you seek to enter this state of matrimony you should strive to make real, the ideals which give meaning to both this ceremony and the institution of marriage.
With full awareness, know that within this gathering of friends and family, you are not only declaring your intent to be handfasted, but you speak that intent also to your creative higher powers.

The promises made today and the ties that are bound here greatly strengthen your union; they will cross the years and lives of each soul’s growth.
Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?

(Amy and Roger): Yes, we seek to enter.

(Deb): I bid you look into each others eyes.

Roger, Will you cause her pain?
I May
Is that your intent?
No

Amy, Will you cause him pain?
I may
Is that your intent?
No

*To Both*
Will you share each other’s pain and seek to ease it?
Yes

And so the binding is made. Join your hands.

*First cord is draped across the bride and grooms hands* (Right to right then left to left)

Amy, Will you share his laughter?
Yes

Roger, Will you share her laughter?
Yes

*To Both*
Will both of you look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?
Yes

And so the binding is made.
*Second cord is draped across the couple’s hands*

Amy, Will you burden him?
I may
Is that your intent?
No

Roger, Will you burden her?
I may
Is that your intent?
No

*To Both*
Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?
Yes

And so the binding is made.
*Drape third cord across the couples hands*

Amy, will you share his dreams?
Yes

Roger, will you share her dreams?
Yes

*To Both*
Will you dream together to create new realities and hopes?
Yes

And so the binding is made.
*Drape fourth cord across the couples hands*

Roger, will you cause her anger?
I may
Is that your intent?
No

Amy, will you cause him anger?
I may
Is that your intent?
No

*To Both*
Will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union?
We will.

And so the binding is made.
*Drape fifth cord across the couples hands*

Amy, Will you honor him?
I will
Roger, Will you honor her?
I will

*To Both*
Will you seek to never give cause to break that honor?
We shall never do so.

And so the binding is made.
*Drape sixth cord across the couples hands*

*Tie cords together while saying:*

The knots of this binding are not formed by these cords but instead by your vows. Either of you may drop the cords, for as always, you hold in your own hands the making or breaking of this union.

*Once cords are tied together they are removed and placed on altar*

Third Reading (Trish)

A moment of happiness,
you and I sitting on the verandah,
apparently two, but one in soul, you and I.
We feel the flowing water of life here,
you and I, with the garden's beauty
and the birds singing.
The stars will be watching us,
and we will show them
what it is to be a thin crescent moon.
You and I unselfed, will be together,
indifferent to idle speculation, you and I.
The parrots of heaven will be cracking sugar
as we laugh together, you and I.
In one form upon this earth,
and in another form in a timeless sweet land. (Rumi)

BLESSING

(Deb): This is a moment of celebration. Let it also be a moment of dedication. The world does a good job of reminding us how fragile we are. Individuals are fragile; relationships are fragile, too. Every marriage needs the love, nurture and support of a network of friends and family. On this wedding day, I ask you not only to be friends of Amy OR Roger, but friends of Roger and Amy together, friends of the relationship.
In the moment of silence that follows, I ask each of you, in your own way, to confer a silent blessing, wish or hope upon this wedding.

(Pause for a moment of silence)

Roger and Amy have been drawn together by their love for each other. May they practice self-discipline, concentration and patience throughout their relationship, for these are essential to love. May they have the courage to risk pain and disappointment; for love is a risking of what we are for what we might become. And may they learn to trust each other. Trust is the ground on which all love is built.

May the love you have found grow in meaning and strength until its beauty is shown in a common devotion to all that is compassionate and life-giving.
May the flow of your love help brighten the face of the earth. And may you always remember that laughter is divine medicine.


Roger West and Amy Hudock have vowed their love in our presence. We now recognize them as husband and wife.

I invite you to seal your marriage with a kiss.

CLOSING WORDS

(Deb): In closing, an Apache wedding prayer:

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now you will feel no loneliness, for each of you will be a companion to the other.
Now you are two bodies, but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place, to enter the days of your life together.
And may your days be good, and long upon the earth.

As we close this ceremony, I invite everyone to bless our happy couple with hugs.