Single moms might want to check out the conversation going on over at Lisa Belkin's Motherlode at the New York Times. Lisa posted a note she received from a young, single, pregnant woman who is trying to decide what to do now. I haven't read all the comments yet, but I was impressed with the respectful tone used by commenters despite the wide diversity of opinions. I often check in at this blog, and I know that some commenters can be - how should I say this - shrill. So, given the heating up the pro-life/pro-choice debate recently, I was impressed with the utter lack of shrillness.

As an English teacher, I try to teach students how to engage in reasoned, thoughtful, and respectful debate. I am hindered in my work because they don't have many good models for it. The mudslinging during political campaigns, the talk shows that foster hostility, the overdone rhetoric of public debates -- none of this helps me. My students look out into the world and want to do what they see, not what I tell them to do. Fortunately, with time and repetition, my students do learn to engage in respectful dialogue with those who disagree with them.

For example, I taught an AP English class this year that included a bright young man who was an atheist among largely conservative Christians. His response to his minority role was to go on the offensive - aggressive, offensive, sometimes even rude. He sat facing a young woman who was a committed Christian, and equally willing to argue her case. They would go head to head on a regular basis, and I often had to intervene. I worked with them both individually about learning to concede points, about how to show respect, about not putting off your audience before you can even make your points. I didn't think I was making much ground.

Until our last debate.

We had finished watching the movie "Freedom Writers" and were discussing altruism and the question, "Does anyone ever do anything only for someone else?" Mr. Atheist jumped in with a tirade. Miss. Christian responded. And we were off. But from a side angle, another student jumped in and said, "You know, I see his point. I also see hers. And this is how they come together." Silence. Then, others jumped in, equally respectful of both sides, to express their own views. They - the students - modeled dialogue that honored all views for the students struggling with it. Finally, Mr. Atheist responded -- and Miss Christian replied, both honoring what the other had said. They learned. They got it. And the students taught it to themselves and each other through good modeling. It was so good, I wanted to cry.

I felt that way today reading the comments at Motherlode. And I wanted to engage in the debate myself even though I am generally a committed lurker. Me and others like me finally had a way into the conversation. Perhaps much of the political apathy we see comes from people just being tired of all the fighting. But meaningful, logical, respectful debate -- we like that, and we adults can model it as well as my students. Go and check it out.