Shuan Chaiyabhat of WREG in Memphis TN tells us in Latest Child Death Example of Growing Trends that more children are being killed by men. But who does he chose to focus on? Who does he blame? Single mothers. He writes:
FAST FACTS:
3-year-old killed by mother's boyfriend
More babies being born to single mothers
Majority of murdered kids killed by men
According to the Memphis Child Advocacy Center, it's a growing problem. Since 2007, of the 20 children murdered, most were killed by a man. That should be a warning to all single moms because killer boyfriends continue to show up on the lists of accused murderers child advocates maintain. A new report by the Urban Child Institute says of the roughly 15,000 babies born in 2007, 59 percent were born to single moms. So experts say the message to these women should be: Who will you allow in your home?
I am concerned here. Of course I am. I am a single mother. I want to protect my child from dangerous men. But the focus in this article shouldn't be the mother who was duped into believing that this man may be a good future husband and good parent to her child. The focus should be on MEN WHO KILL CHILDREN.
A better use of this reporter's time would be exploring these questions: Why is it that more men are killing children? How are we teaching our boys to become men? What are we teaching our boys and men about nurturing? What are we teaching them about the use of power and violence? How are we teaching our boys and men to express their anger? What can we do to educate our men to be better caretakers of those who are smaller, weaker, and have less power?
Yes, it is sad that a woman who has been told by all the experts that her children must have a man in their lives tried to find one, and found a dangerous one. But even the experts will tell you, men who are dangerous, don't announce that they are. Usually, men who are violent hide that from potential victims until it is too late. So, let's put the blame where it belongs.
The man killed the child. Let's blame the man. And start some discussion how we can stop men from killing children committed into their care.
But there could be larger agenda behind this attack on single mothers.
Apparently, in some states, having non-related men around can be used against single mothers should there ever be some kind of custody issue. Court appointed therapists have become more inclined to include the sexual behavior of single mothers in their reports because some children have been endangered by non-related men in the home, so they see it as poor judgement on the part of the mother. For a while, lawyers stayed away from issues surrounding sex and the single mom -- when they could be blamed for simply mudslinging. But now, they have the "research" that says having non-related men around endangers children. It's funny, however, that they don't look at the research that shows a similar pattern with having related men around. The sad truth is - statistically speaking - having a man around - related or not - increases the risk of problems. But attorneys for fathers focus only on what helps their cases. They recognize the value of fathering to help their case, but privilege the biological over the non-biological father, not recognizing that the statistical likelihood of abuse is similar.
We want fathers or father-figures in the lives of our children regardless because the benefits tend to outweigh the risks. There are many great fathers out there -- biological and not. But we have to consider how this information about abuse and men in the home is being used against single mothers. No one is using the same information to tell married women to be concerned about their husbands. But reporters, like Shuan Chaiyabhat, who reports on the rising "trend" of single mothers' boyfriends killing children, tell us that that the message to single mothers should be: "Who will you allow in your home?" The implication is -- the abuse is the woman's fault.
When we look at Shuan Chaiyabhat's article more closely, we can see it for what it is: logically flawed, full of alarmist diction, such as "killer boyfriends," and scapegoat obsessed.
I'd fail it in a freshman composition course.
Showing posts with label Breaking Stereotypes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Breaking Stereotypes. Show all posts
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Here is one successful business woman who is making a difference for single moms struggling to find a home for their families.
Biker rides to shed light on homelessness
By Stephanie Toone|
Staff Writer, Augusta Chronicle
Friday, April 24, 2009
Bordering a gingerbread house with icing, gummy bears and gum drops was the best time Valencia Logan has had with her children in months.
The Augusta mother and her three children have lived at the Salvation Army's homeless shelter since March. On Thursday evening, Ms. Logan said she was able to forget about her situation and bask in her children's joy over smearing icing all over her clothes.
"This is a great activity. They could go outside or just sit under me, but this is something where I really get to be interactive with them," she said at the shelter Thursday. "This is probably something you would only get to do once or twice in your lifetime."
Trish Karter, the owner of a Boston baking company, Dancing Deer, gave about five mothers the opportunity to enjoy some baked goods and time with their children.
The Boston woman started a bike ride Wednesday in Atlanta that will stretch 1,500 miles over 15 days.
She made a stop in Augusta to distribute her company's Sweet Home gingerbread houses -- 35 percent of the sales of the treats go toward college scholarships for homeless and low-income mothers.
She plans to visit 15 shelters by Mother's Day and spread awareness about homelessness.
"We're trying to get single mothers into permanent homes. The education can help," Ms. Karter said. "I hope I can show that private businesses need to think about more than money. Their success is also measured in what effect they have on a society."
Continue reading . . .
Biker rides to shed light on homelessness
By Stephanie Toone|
Staff Writer, Augusta Chronicle
Friday, April 24, 2009
Bordering a gingerbread house with icing, gummy bears and gum drops was the best time Valencia Logan has had with her children in months.
The Augusta mother and her three children have lived at the Salvation Army's homeless shelter since March. On Thursday evening, Ms. Logan said she was able to forget about her situation and bask in her children's joy over smearing icing all over her clothes.
"This is a great activity. They could go outside or just sit under me, but this is something where I really get to be interactive with them," she said at the shelter Thursday. "This is probably something you would only get to do once or twice in your lifetime."
Trish Karter, the owner of a Boston baking company, Dancing Deer, gave about five mothers the opportunity to enjoy some baked goods and time with their children.
The Boston woman started a bike ride Wednesday in Atlanta that will stretch 1,500 miles over 15 days.
She made a stop in Augusta to distribute her company's Sweet Home gingerbread houses -- 35 percent of the sales of the treats go toward college scholarships for homeless and low-income mothers.
She plans to visit 15 shelters by Mother's Day and spread awareness about homelessness.
"We're trying to get single mothers into permanent homes. The education can help," Ms. Karter said. "I hope I can show that private businesses need to think about more than money. Their success is also measured in what effect they have on a society."
Continue reading . . .
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Today, I feel good about being a single mother in South Carolina. A single mother posted to a blog hosted by her local newspaper, Bluffton Today, writing an open letter to her neighbors that described her obstacles and achievements. While the letter is engaging, I am struck by the kindness of the responses. One person writes: "I admire your spunk and the direction you took." Another one says: "Your father must be very, very proud of you. Anyone who reads your letter certainly is..............best wishes for your continued success. Stay in touch!" And others comment in a similar supportive way.
I am overwhelmed with the sudden desire to move to Bluffton.
This exchange suggests the truth of something I've often heard said about southerners. While many of us may have certain stereotypes in our minds about people before we have contact with them, once we do, we make them our friends. I think if more southern single mothers reached out like this mom here, we would have fewer public rants about the problem of single motherhood. Stereotypes just can't hold up when faced with the reality.
Read the letter and the replies yourself at Bluffton Today.
I am overwhelmed with the sudden desire to move to Bluffton.
This exchange suggests the truth of something I've often heard said about southerners. While many of us may have certain stereotypes in our minds about people before we have contact with them, once we do, we make them our friends. I think if more southern single mothers reached out like this mom here, we would have fewer public rants about the problem of single motherhood. Stereotypes just can't hold up when faced with the reality.
Read the letter and the replies yourself at Bluffton Today.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Bristol Palin and Single Motherhood
Julie Shapiro, a family law professor at the University of Seattle School of Law, is watching the coverage of Bristol Palin's move from the soon-to-be-married mother category into the single mother role. She asserts that many people would like to see Bristol married, thus out of the negative "single mom" category all together. In another blog post, Shapiro explains why: "the cure we often seek is to assign the single-mother family a man to be the “missing” father. Alternative solutions (good child-care, flexible workplaces, adequate health care, general parental support services) are rarely considered." As I watch Bristol being taken care of by her extended family and her community, I can't help but see a more "compassionate conservative" response that could serve as a better model for addressing single motherhood than the current one of punishment, blame, and shunning that coerces too-young marriage on top of too-young parenthood. Cynthia Tucker from the Atlanta Constitution says "Bristol’s unplanned motherhood offers us another chance to get beyond blame and look for solutions." I agree.
Interestingly enough, the Palin family is employing an an age-old model. In matrilineal and matrilocal societies like the ancient Cherokee, the sexual bond was not believed to be strong enough to sustain a family. The mother and her children stayed with her family -- to be visited by the father of the children. The primary male influence on the child (very important to the Cherokee) came from the maternal grandfathers and uncles. This way, no matter the status of the marriage between the mother and the father -- the children were secure, safe, and supported by both male and female role models. So, perhaps the Palin family has it right. Bristol and her out-of-wedlock child may have a better chance of financial success if Bristol doesn't marry and stays with her family instead.
Don't get me wrong. I am no fan of Bristol's mother. I am, however, impressed with her support of her daughter, especially because of its political implications.
If we accept that teenage single mothers like Bristol deserve support from their families and community, then that suggests that other teenage single mothers may also be deserving of support, not blame and shunning. So what about the ones without families to support them? Where will they and their children get support? These are the questions that Bristol's example raises.
However, I know how this will work. Conservatives tend to the hypocritical -- "what is true for me, isn't true for them." Other families aren't, well, as "good" as the Palin family. So, the Palin family will do what it must, but despite this stunning example of a how we can support teenage single mothers differently, the conservative vision will remain the same. Sadly.
But here in the south, where we pride ourselves on strong family ties -- shouldn't we do better than to abandon our teenage daughters and their children to their own fates, hide the wrongs by quick marriages, or schedule secret adoptions or abortions to save public face? We can do better. And we should.
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy reports that:
* At the time of their child's birth, more than half of unmarried teen mothers say they are either "certain" or chances are "good" they will marry the biological father of their child. However, 8 out of 10 fathers don't ever marry the teen mother of their child.
* Despite high expectations for marriage, fewer than 8% of teen mothers marry their baby's father within one year of the birth of their child.
* Teenagers who have a non-marital birth are also significantly less likely to be married by the age of 35 than those who do not have babies as teens.
* Marriage among teens is rare -- in 2002 only 2.5% of teens had ever been married, compared to 11% in 1975.
* As recently as 1980, the majority of teen births (52%) were marital births. By 2002, only 20% of teen births occurred within marriage.
* Teen marriages are twice as likely to fail as marriages in which the woman is at least 25 years old.
* It is also the case that most single mothers of all ages who have a child as a result of an unplanned pregnancy remain single and most cohabiting mothers either continue cohabiting or break up with their partner.
Julie Shapiro, a family law professor at the University of Seattle School of Law, is watching the coverage of Bristol Palin's move from the soon-to-be-married mother category into the single mother role. She asserts that many people would like to see Bristol married, thus out of the negative "single mom" category all together. In another blog post, Shapiro explains why: "the cure we often seek is to assign the single-mother family a man to be the “missing” father. Alternative solutions (good child-care, flexible workplaces, adequate health care, general parental support services) are rarely considered." As I watch Bristol being taken care of by her extended family and her community, I can't help but see a more "compassionate conservative" response that could serve as a better model for addressing single motherhood than the current one of punishment, blame, and shunning that coerces too-young marriage on top of too-young parenthood. Cynthia Tucker from the Atlanta Constitution says "Bristol’s unplanned motherhood offers us another chance to get beyond blame and look for solutions." I agree.
Interestingly enough, the Palin family is employing an an age-old model. In matrilineal and matrilocal societies like the ancient Cherokee, the sexual bond was not believed to be strong enough to sustain a family. The mother and her children stayed with her family -- to be visited by the father of the children. The primary male influence on the child (very important to the Cherokee) came from the maternal grandfathers and uncles. This way, no matter the status of the marriage between the mother and the father -- the children were secure, safe, and supported by both male and female role models. So, perhaps the Palin family has it right. Bristol and her out-of-wedlock child may have a better chance of financial success if Bristol doesn't marry and stays with her family instead.
Don't get me wrong. I am no fan of Bristol's mother. I am, however, impressed with her support of her daughter, especially because of its political implications.
If we accept that teenage single mothers like Bristol deserve support from their families and community, then that suggests that other teenage single mothers may also be deserving of support, not blame and shunning. So what about the ones without families to support them? Where will they and their children get support? These are the questions that Bristol's example raises.
However, I know how this will work. Conservatives tend to the hypocritical -- "what is true for me, isn't true for them." Other families aren't, well, as "good" as the Palin family. So, the Palin family will do what it must, but despite this stunning example of a how we can support teenage single mothers differently, the conservative vision will remain the same. Sadly.
But here in the south, where we pride ourselves on strong family ties -- shouldn't we do better than to abandon our teenage daughters and their children to their own fates, hide the wrongs by quick marriages, or schedule secret adoptions or abortions to save public face? We can do better. And we should.
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy reports that:
* At the time of their child's birth, more than half of unmarried teen mothers say they are either "certain" or chances are "good" they will marry the biological father of their child. However, 8 out of 10 fathers don't ever marry the teen mother of their child.
* Despite high expectations for marriage, fewer than 8% of teen mothers marry their baby's father within one year of the birth of their child.
* Teenagers who have a non-marital birth are also significantly less likely to be married by the age of 35 than those who do not have babies as teens.
* Marriage among teens is rare -- in 2002 only 2.5% of teens had ever been married, compared to 11% in 1975.
* As recently as 1980, the majority of teen births (52%) were marital births. By 2002, only 20% of teen births occurred within marriage.
* Teen marriages are twice as likely to fail as marriages in which the woman is at least 25 years old.
* It is also the case that most single mothers of all ages who have a child as a result of an unplanned pregnancy remain single and most cohabiting mothers either continue cohabiting or break up with their partner.
Friday, March 06, 2009
WHY DIVORCE?
Single moms are getting bashed in the media because critics claim fathers are important in their children's lives. I completely agree. But I don't agree that all fathers (or mothers, for that matter) are necessarily good for their children. Or that all marriages are good for their children. Biological connection doesn't make a parent good. Nor does a wedding ring make a home stable. This writer says it well.
Some Single Parents ‘Can Get It Right’
Thursday, 05 March 2009
Macon County News
I wholly agree with Mr. Crockett that children do “have a right to be nourished and maintained by both parents, till they are able to provide for themselves.” Children also have a right to live in an environment that is not weighted down with hostility, violence, drunkenness, drug abuse or other ills found in society today. The point Mr. Crockett is missing, the decision to divorce is very painful; it is not be made casually or in haste.
In every action of our daily lives, we are molding our children’s futures. If we drive drunk, use drugs, spend family money on cigarettes and alcohol rather than groceries and medical care, we teach our children to be irresponsible. If we tolerate emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, we teach our children it’s acceptable to be abused. If we tolerate infidelity in our marriage, we teach our children they don’t deserve better from their spouse. Yes, by divorcing, we set an example for our children . . .
TO READ THE REST OF THE ARTICLE
Single moms are getting bashed in the media because critics claim fathers are important in their children's lives. I completely agree. But I don't agree that all fathers (or mothers, for that matter) are necessarily good for their children. Or that all marriages are good for their children. Biological connection doesn't make a parent good. Nor does a wedding ring make a home stable. This writer says it well.
Some Single Parents ‘Can Get It Right’
Thursday, 05 March 2009
Macon County News
I wholly agree with Mr. Crockett that children do “have a right to be nourished and maintained by both parents, till they are able to provide for themselves.” Children also have a right to live in an environment that is not weighted down with hostility, violence, drunkenness, drug abuse or other ills found in society today. The point Mr. Crockett is missing, the decision to divorce is very painful; it is not be made casually or in haste.
In every action of our daily lives, we are molding our children’s futures. If we drive drunk, use drugs, spend family money on cigarettes and alcohol rather than groceries and medical care, we teach our children to be irresponsible. If we tolerate emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, we teach our children it’s acceptable to be abused. If we tolerate infidelity in our marriage, we teach our children they don’t deserve better from their spouse. Yes, by divorcing, we set an example for our children . . .
TO READ THE REST OF THE ARTICLE
Monday, February 02, 2009
2 Kids + 0 Husbands = Family
By EMILY BAZELON
Published: January 29, 2009
At 5:45 a.m. on a recent weekday morning, Fran McElhill padded into her kitchen, in square-framed glasses and a knee-length cotton nightgown, and put on the day’s first pot of coffee. While it brewed, she sorted laundry — pencil jeans for her slight 7-year-old daughter, Lili, Nike T-shirts for 10-year-old MeiLin. When the girls woke up, their long hair matted from sleep, Fran gave them each a mug of Campbell’s vegetable soup and parked them in front of Nickelodeon so she could get dressed for her job as a lawyer at a regional New Jersey firm . . .
Read the rest of the article at the New York Times
Thursday, January 15, 2009
MYTH: SINGLE MOTHERS HAVE LESS TIME AND ENERGY TO GIVE THEIR CHILDREN THAN MARRIED MOTHERS
Fact: "[After accounting for maternal and child personal characteristics], single mothers spend significantly more time in primary and routine child care activities than married mothers and spend similar amounts of time in interactive child care activities and total time with children as married mothers. Single mothers have higher rates of employment and tend to be less educated, both of which are associated with reduced child care time. Controlling for these two factors, in addition to controls for maternal age, age of youngest child, number of children, and race/ethnicity, eliminates or reverses differences in child care time between married and single mothers. Cohabiting mothers do not differ significantly from married mothers..."
Sarah M. Kendig and Suzanne M. Bianchi, Single, Cohabitating, and Married Mothers' Time With Children, Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 70 Issue 5, Pages 1228 - 1240 (2008)
Comment: "The current policy focus on marriage and disadvantages of children in single-parent families seems to miss the important fact that all mothers try to privilege investments in their children over other things, to the extent they are able. It is conceivable that spending time with their children may become especially precious to single mothers and the focus of their energies. Single mothers do not have the support for parenting from a partner that married mothers have. At the same time, they also do not have to negotiate with a partner about expenditures of either their time or money and may often make children the central focus of both."
Ibid.
Fact: "Utilizing the 2003 and 2004 American Time Use Survey (ATUS), this study examines the relationship between family structure and maternal time with children among 4,309 married mothers and 1,821 single mothers with children less than 13 years of age. Single mothers spend less time with their children than married mothers, though the differences are not large. Marital status and living arrangement differences in time with children largely disappear or single mothers engage in more child care than married mothers after controls for socioeconomic status and other characteristics are introduced. Thus, less maternal time with children appears to be mainly attributable to the disadvantaged social structural location of single mothers rather than different proclivities toward mothering between married and single mothers."
Sarah M. Kendig and Suzanne M. Bianchi, Single, Cohabitating, and Married Mothers' Time With Children, Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 70 Issue 5, Pages 1228 - 1240 (2008)
Fact: Not necessarily. And it's not directly correlated with employment of the mother, either. Being married and maintaining a household with a man itself consumes a significant amount of mother's time and attention, both directly to the relationship as well as in heavier homemaking burdens (even men who "help out" in the home seldom contribute equivalent to the chores they create.) In addition, "Engle and Breaux (1998) have shown that some fathers' consumption of family resources in terms of gambling, purchasing alcohol, cigarettes, or other nonessential commodities, actually increased women's workload and stress level."
Louise B. Silverstein and Carl F. Auerbach, "Deconstructing the Essential Father," AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGIST, Vol. 54, No. 6 397-407 (June 1999.)
Fact: The studies look at this issue more honestly when it's a man other than the children's father, e.g.:"[T]he two-adult structure of a coresidential or cohabiting arrangement might benefit children, providing more adults to supervise, monitor, and be emotionally involved with children. At the same time, cohabiting males or stepfathers may compete with children for mothers' time and resources, thereby diminishing children's well-being."
Living arrangements of single-mother families: Variations, transitions, and child development outcomes. Ariel Kalil, University of Chicago Harris Graduate School of Public Policy Studies
Fact: "Our major finding is that union formation and/or the disruption of new unions have very few effects on mothering. Mothers' and children's reports sometimes produce different results, but the patterns do not suggest that children's reports are any more or less accurate than those of mothers. The most consistent effects of union change indicate that the presence of a partner reduces mothers' time with children... Remarriage or repartnering is not good if we value time for and supervision of children. Children in intact unions at the second survey report spending less time with their mothers than children whose mothers were single."
Thomson, Elizabeth, Jane Mosley, Thomas L. Hanson, Sara S. McLanahan, REMARRIAGE, COHABITATION, AND CHANGES IN MOTHERING Center for Research on Child Wellbeing Working Paper #98-14
Fact: "[H]usbands seem to create more labor in the household by their mere presence - as much as eight hours more labor per week - despite the work that they do perform in the home. In other words, even when a man's labor in the household has been taken into account, he causes eight additional hours of labor for his spouse (South and Spitze 1994)."
Why Don't Low-Income Single Mothers Get Married (or Remarried)? Kathryn Edin University of Pennsylvania Department of Sociology 3718 Locust Walk Philadelphia, PA 19119
Fact: "Controlling for work hours, single parents are not more likely than married parents to feel that they spend insufficient time with children."
Melissa A. Milkie, Marybeth J. Mattingly, Kei M. Nomaguchi, Suzanne M. Bianchi, John P. Robinson (2004) The Time Squeeze: Parental Statuses and Feelings About Time With Children Journal of Marriage and Family 66 (3), 739-761.
Fact: "Marriage increases the amount of time that women spend in household labor (Bianchi et al., 2000) and decreases the amount of time that men spend in household labor (Gupta, 1999). Not surprisingly, marriage curtails women's free time and has few effects on men's free time (Mattingly & Bianchi, 2003). Upon the birth of a child, the household division of labor becomes even more traditional (Gjerdingen & Center, 2005; Sanchez & Thomson, 1997; Thompson & Walker, 1989) and the gender gap in free time becomes even more pronounced (Mattingly & Bianchi). These household demands affect women's work. Married women are more likely than married men to report that family demands have caused them to turn down overtime hours and beneficial work assignments (Keene & Reynolds, 2005).
Rebecca Glauber (2007) Marriage and the Motherhood Wage Penalty Among African Americans, Hispanics, and Whites Journal of Marriage and Family 69 (4), 951-961.
Fact: "Employed and full-time mothers generally engage in the same array of child care activities, with the exception that full-time mothers watch more television with their children (Bryant & Zick, 1996; DeMeis & Perkins, 1996). Mothers holding employment do not spend less time with their children than full-time homemaker mothers (see Bianchi & Robinson, 1997). Further, many employed mothers "compensate for their absence from the home during work hours by increasing the amount of time they spend in intense interaction with children during nonwork hours [Mischel and Fuhr, 1988]" (Amato & Booth, 1997, p. 60)."
Terry Arendell (2000) Conceiving and Investigating Motherhood: The Decade's Scholarship Journal of Marriage and Family 62 (4), 1192-1207. ("Single and married mothers spend roughly the same amount of time in total family and child care responsibilities (Bianchi & Robinson, 1997; Duxbury, Higgins, & Lee, 1994").
Fact: Women first shave time from their own personal activities when there is a deficit because of employment or other factors, not from the children. Even in circumstances in which lone mothers have less time for their children than they would if married, the studies all are quite clear that lone fathers spend even less parenting time with children. So flipflopping children in joint custody won't alleviate this situation -- it merely will rotate the children from one parent who is devoting less time than she formerly did to another who is devoting even less time.
Terry Arendell (2000) Conceiving and Investigating Motherhood: The Decade's Scholarship Journal of Marriage and Family 62 (4), 1192-1207. ("Single and married mothers spend roughly the same amount of time in total family and child care responsibilities (Bianchi & Robinson, 1997; Duxbury, Higgins, & Lee, 1994").
Also see: Huston, A.C. & Aronson, S.R. (2005). Mothers' time with infant and time in employment as predictors of mother-child relationships and children's early development. Child Development, 76, 467-482. "...working mothers tended to compensate by sacrificing other activities, like housework or socialising, and by spending more time with their children at weekends than non-working mothers."
You can read more here . . .
Fact: "[After accounting for maternal and child personal characteristics], single mothers spend significantly more time in primary and routine child care activities than married mothers and spend similar amounts of time in interactive child care activities and total time with children as married mothers. Single mothers have higher rates of employment and tend to be less educated, both of which are associated with reduced child care time. Controlling for these two factors, in addition to controls for maternal age, age of youngest child, number of children, and race/ethnicity, eliminates or reverses differences in child care time between married and single mothers. Cohabiting mothers do not differ significantly from married mothers..."
Sarah M. Kendig and Suzanne M. Bianchi, Single, Cohabitating, and Married Mothers' Time With Children, Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 70 Issue 5, Pages 1228 - 1240 (2008)
Comment: "The current policy focus on marriage and disadvantages of children in single-parent families seems to miss the important fact that all mothers try to privilege investments in their children over other things, to the extent they are able. It is conceivable that spending time with their children may become especially precious to single mothers and the focus of their energies. Single mothers do not have the support for parenting from a partner that married mothers have. At the same time, they also do not have to negotiate with a partner about expenditures of either their time or money and may often make children the central focus of both."
Ibid.
Fact: "Utilizing the 2003 and 2004 American Time Use Survey (ATUS), this study examines the relationship between family structure and maternal time with children among 4,309 married mothers and 1,821 single mothers with children less than 13 years of age. Single mothers spend less time with their children than married mothers, though the differences are not large. Marital status and living arrangement differences in time with children largely disappear or single mothers engage in more child care than married mothers after controls for socioeconomic status and other characteristics are introduced. Thus, less maternal time with children appears to be mainly attributable to the disadvantaged social structural location of single mothers rather than different proclivities toward mothering between married and single mothers."
Sarah M. Kendig and Suzanne M. Bianchi, Single, Cohabitating, and Married Mothers' Time With Children, Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 70 Issue 5, Pages 1228 - 1240 (2008)
Fact: Not necessarily. And it's not directly correlated with employment of the mother, either. Being married and maintaining a household with a man itself consumes a significant amount of mother's time and attention, both directly to the relationship as well as in heavier homemaking burdens (even men who "help out" in the home seldom contribute equivalent to the chores they create.) In addition, "Engle and Breaux (1998) have shown that some fathers' consumption of family resources in terms of gambling, purchasing alcohol, cigarettes, or other nonessential commodities, actually increased women's workload and stress level."
Louise B. Silverstein and Carl F. Auerbach, "Deconstructing the Essential Father," AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGIST, Vol. 54, No. 6 397-407 (June 1999.)
Fact: The studies look at this issue more honestly when it's a man other than the children's father, e.g.:"[T]he two-adult structure of a coresidential or cohabiting arrangement might benefit children, providing more adults to supervise, monitor, and be emotionally involved with children. At the same time, cohabiting males or stepfathers may compete with children for mothers' time and resources, thereby diminishing children's well-being."
Living arrangements of single-mother families: Variations, transitions, and child development outcomes. Ariel Kalil, University of Chicago Harris Graduate School of Public Policy Studies
Fact: "Our major finding is that union formation and/or the disruption of new unions have very few effects on mothering. Mothers' and children's reports sometimes produce different results, but the patterns do not suggest that children's reports are any more or less accurate than those of mothers. The most consistent effects of union change indicate that the presence of a partner reduces mothers' time with children... Remarriage or repartnering is not good if we value time for and supervision of children. Children in intact unions at the second survey report spending less time with their mothers than children whose mothers were single."
Thomson, Elizabeth, Jane Mosley, Thomas L. Hanson, Sara S. McLanahan, REMARRIAGE, COHABITATION, AND CHANGES IN MOTHERING Center for Research on Child Wellbeing Working Paper #98-14
Fact: "[H]usbands seem to create more labor in the household by their mere presence - as much as eight hours more labor per week - despite the work that they do perform in the home. In other words, even when a man's labor in the household has been taken into account, he causes eight additional hours of labor for his spouse (South and Spitze 1994)."
Why Don't Low-Income Single Mothers Get Married (or Remarried)? Kathryn Edin University of Pennsylvania Department of Sociology 3718 Locust Walk Philadelphia, PA 19119
Fact: "Controlling for work hours, single parents are not more likely than married parents to feel that they spend insufficient time with children."
Melissa A. Milkie, Marybeth J. Mattingly, Kei M. Nomaguchi, Suzanne M. Bianchi, John P. Robinson (2004) The Time Squeeze: Parental Statuses and Feelings About Time With Children Journal of Marriage and Family 66 (3), 739-761.
Fact: "Marriage increases the amount of time that women spend in household labor (Bianchi et al., 2000) and decreases the amount of time that men spend in household labor (Gupta, 1999). Not surprisingly, marriage curtails women's free time and has few effects on men's free time (Mattingly & Bianchi, 2003). Upon the birth of a child, the household division of labor becomes even more traditional (Gjerdingen & Center, 2005; Sanchez & Thomson, 1997; Thompson & Walker, 1989) and the gender gap in free time becomes even more pronounced (Mattingly & Bianchi). These household demands affect women's work. Married women are more likely than married men to report that family demands have caused them to turn down overtime hours and beneficial work assignments (Keene & Reynolds, 2005).
Rebecca Glauber (2007) Marriage and the Motherhood Wage Penalty Among African Americans, Hispanics, and Whites Journal of Marriage and Family 69 (4), 951-961.
Fact: "Employed and full-time mothers generally engage in the same array of child care activities, with the exception that full-time mothers watch more television with their children (Bryant & Zick, 1996; DeMeis & Perkins, 1996). Mothers holding employment do not spend less time with their children than full-time homemaker mothers (see Bianchi & Robinson, 1997). Further, many employed mothers "compensate for their absence from the home during work hours by increasing the amount of time they spend in intense interaction with children during nonwork hours [Mischel and Fuhr, 1988]" (Amato & Booth, 1997, p. 60)."
Terry Arendell (2000) Conceiving and Investigating Motherhood: The Decade's Scholarship Journal of Marriage and Family 62 (4), 1192-1207. ("Single and married mothers spend roughly the same amount of time in total family and child care responsibilities (Bianchi & Robinson, 1997; Duxbury, Higgins, & Lee, 1994").
Fact: Women first shave time from their own personal activities when there is a deficit because of employment or other factors, not from the children. Even in circumstances in which lone mothers have less time for their children than they would if married, the studies all are quite clear that lone fathers spend even less parenting time with children. So flipflopping children in joint custody won't alleviate this situation -- it merely will rotate the children from one parent who is devoting less time than she formerly did to another who is devoting even less time.
Terry Arendell (2000) Conceiving and Investigating Motherhood: The Decade's Scholarship Journal of Marriage and Family 62 (4), 1192-1207. ("Single and married mothers spend roughly the same amount of time in total family and child care responsibilities (Bianchi & Robinson, 1997; Duxbury, Higgins, & Lee, 1994").
Also see: Huston, A.C. & Aronson, S.R. (2005). Mothers' time with infant and time in employment as predictors of mother-child relationships and children's early development. Child Development, 76, 467-482. "...working mothers tended to compensate by sacrificing other activities, like housework or socialising, and by spending more time with their children at weekends than non-working mothers."
You can read more here . . .
Monday, January 12, 2009
MYTH: MOTHERS IN TWO PARENT-FAMILIES ARE BETTER PARENTS THAN SINGLE MOTHERS
Fact: "Single mothers spend similar amounts of time engaged in primary child care as married mothers."
Sarah M. Kendig and Suzanne M. Bianchi, Single, Cohabitating, and Married Mothers' Time With Children, Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 70 Issue 5, Pages 1228 - 1240 (2008)
Fact: "[T]here does not appear to be a significant difference in quality of parenting between divorced mothers and mothers in intact homes, when controlling for income.
Rosenthal, D., Leigh, G. K., & Elardo, R. (1985). Home environment of three to six year old children from father-absent and two-parent families. Journal of Divorce, 9 (2), 41-48.
Colletta, N. D. (1979). The impact of divorce: Father absence or poverty? Journal of Divorce, 3(1), 27-35.
Fact: "[D]espite their greater dating experiences, [adolescents] from single-mother families were less likely to choose their romantic partners over mothers as primary confidants than those from two-biological-parent families... [and] unlike the popular notion that it is normative for adolescents to turn away from their parents, the adolescents who nominated peers -- romantic partners or friends -- were more likely than those who nominated mothers to have increased involvement in delinquency or substance use."
Kei M. Nomaguchi, Gender, Family Structure, and Adolescents' Primary Confidants, Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 70 Issue 5, Pages 1213 - 1227 (2008)
Fact: "[S]ingle mothers have higher poverty rates than other families and ...a substantial portion of their poverty is a consequence of marital disruption."
McLanahan, S., & Booth, K. (1989). Mother-only families: Problems, prospects, and politics. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 51 (3), 557-580.
Fact: "A new multiethnic study at Cornell University has found that being a single parent does not appear to have a negative effect on the behavior or educational performance of a mother's 12- and 13-year-old children What mattered most in this study, Cornell researcher Henry Ricciuti says, is a mother's education and ability level and, to a lesser extent, family income and quality of the home environment. He found consistent links between these maternal attributes and a child's school performance and behavior... The study is a follow-up of children who were assessed when they were 6 and 7 years old. The first study, published in 1999, found that single parenthood did not affect young children's school readiness or social or behavioral problems..." Adverse affects of "single parenthood" did not emerge over a period of 6 to 7 years in which children's mothers did not have a spouse or partner living in the home.
Cornell News, May 6, 2004. Ricciuti, Henry. Journal of Educational Research (Vol. 97, No. 4) http://www.news.cornell.edu/releases/May04/single.parents.ssl.html.
Fact: Stress negatively impacts parenting, as well as other kinds of functioning. Stress factors that are more likely to be present and to affect single mothers than happily married mothers include: financial problems, living in a bad neighborhood, juggling increased outside employment and childcare demands, post-break-up domestic violence and harassment, divorce and custody litigation, and interference with family and household routines by nonresident parents and other third parties (i.e. responsibility without decision-making authority).
See, e.g., Tama Leventhal, Ph.D. (Center for Children and Families, Columbia University) Does Neighborhood Disadvantage Affect Family Well-being? Evidence From a Randomized Mobility Experiment; Jennifer Jenkins, Ph.D. (Institute of Child Study, University of Toronto), Thomas O'Connor, Ph.D. (Institute of Psychiatry), and John Rasbash (University of London) Understanding the Sources of Differential Parenting: The Role of Family and Child Level Effects; Xiaojia Ge, Ph.D. (University of California-Davis), Gene Brody, Ph.D. (University of Georgia) and Ronald Simons (Iowa State University) Contextual Amplification of Pubertal Transition Effects on Deviant Peer Affiliation and Externalizing Behavior, all cited at http://www.srcd.org/pp12.html.
Fact: "The most stressed of all mothers are those who are married, employed, have young children, and encounter difficulty in locating and affording child care and handle child rearing mostly alone (Benin & Keith, 1995; Hughes & Galinsky, 1994; Marshall, Barnett, et al., 1998; Neal, Chapman, Ingersol-Dayton, & Emlen, 1993; Sears & Galambos, 1993)... When economic conditions are constant, single and married women experience similar levels of maternal distress (Ross & Van Willigen, 1996)."
Terry Arendell (2000) Conceiving and Investigating Motherhood: The Decade's Scholarship Journal of Marriage and Family 62 (4), 1192-1207.
You can read more here . . .
Fact: "Single mothers spend similar amounts of time engaged in primary child care as married mothers."
Sarah M. Kendig and Suzanne M. Bianchi, Single, Cohabitating, and Married Mothers' Time With Children, Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 70 Issue 5, Pages 1228 - 1240 (2008)
Fact: "[T]here does not appear to be a significant difference in quality of parenting between divorced mothers and mothers in intact homes, when controlling for income.
Rosenthal, D., Leigh, G. K., & Elardo, R. (1985). Home environment of three to six year old children from father-absent and two-parent families. Journal of Divorce, 9 (2), 41-48.
Colletta, N. D. (1979). The impact of divorce: Father absence or poverty? Journal of Divorce, 3(1), 27-35.
Fact: "[D]espite their greater dating experiences, [adolescents] from single-mother families were less likely to choose their romantic partners over mothers as primary confidants than those from two-biological-parent families... [and] unlike the popular notion that it is normative for adolescents to turn away from their parents, the adolescents who nominated peers -- romantic partners or friends -- were more likely than those who nominated mothers to have increased involvement in delinquency or substance use."
Kei M. Nomaguchi, Gender, Family Structure, and Adolescents' Primary Confidants, Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 70 Issue 5, Pages 1213 - 1227 (2008)
Fact: "[S]ingle mothers have higher poverty rates than other families and ...a substantial portion of their poverty is a consequence of marital disruption."
McLanahan, S., & Booth, K. (1989). Mother-only families: Problems, prospects, and politics. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 51 (3), 557-580.
Fact: "A new multiethnic study at Cornell University has found that being a single parent does not appear to have a negative effect on the behavior or educational performance of a mother's 12- and 13-year-old children What mattered most in this study, Cornell researcher Henry Ricciuti says, is a mother's education and ability level and, to a lesser extent, family income and quality of the home environment. He found consistent links between these maternal attributes and a child's school performance and behavior... The study is a follow-up of children who were assessed when they were 6 and 7 years old. The first study, published in 1999, found that single parenthood did not affect young children's school readiness or social or behavioral problems..." Adverse affects of "single parenthood" did not emerge over a period of 6 to 7 years in which children's mothers did not have a spouse or partner living in the home.
Cornell News, May 6, 2004. Ricciuti, Henry. Journal of Educational Research (Vol. 97, No. 4) http://www.news.cornell.edu/releases/May04/single.parents.ssl.html.
Fact: Stress negatively impacts parenting, as well as other kinds of functioning. Stress factors that are more likely to be present and to affect single mothers than happily married mothers include: financial problems, living in a bad neighborhood, juggling increased outside employment and childcare demands, post-break-up domestic violence and harassment, divorce and custody litigation, and interference with family and household routines by nonresident parents and other third parties (i.e. responsibility without decision-making authority).
See, e.g., Tama Leventhal, Ph.D. (Center for Children and Families, Columbia University) Does Neighborhood Disadvantage Affect Family Well-being? Evidence From a Randomized Mobility Experiment; Jennifer Jenkins, Ph.D. (Institute of Child Study, University of Toronto), Thomas O'Connor, Ph.D. (Institute of Psychiatry), and John Rasbash (University of London) Understanding the Sources of Differential Parenting: The Role of Family and Child Level Effects; Xiaojia Ge, Ph.D. (University of California-Davis), Gene Brody, Ph.D. (University of Georgia) and Ronald Simons (Iowa State University) Contextual Amplification of Pubertal Transition Effects on Deviant Peer Affiliation and Externalizing Behavior, all cited at http://www.srcd.org/pp12.html.
Fact: "The most stressed of all mothers are those who are married, employed, have young children, and encounter difficulty in locating and affording child care and handle child rearing mostly alone (Benin & Keith, 1995; Hughes & Galinsky, 1994; Marshall, Barnett, et al., 1998; Neal, Chapman, Ingersol-Dayton, & Emlen, 1993; Sears & Galambos, 1993)... When economic conditions are constant, single and married women experience similar levels of maternal distress (Ross & Van Willigen, 1996)."
Terry Arendell (2000) Conceiving and Investigating Motherhood: The Decade's Scholarship Journal of Marriage and Family 62 (4), 1192-1207.
You can read more here . . .
Sunday, January 11, 2009
RAISED BY A SINGLE MOM
Are you doomed to failure?
I am so tired of hearing that children raised by single mothers are doomed for failure. Jail. Worse.
I was raised by a single mom. And a married mom. And a single dad. And a married dad. And two step-parents. I was raised by a host of people. However, I lived my life with my mother, and I shared her status, so I can say that I was raised largely by a single mother. And I don't mean to brag, but I do have to say that I am a contributor to my society, a Ph. D., and a good mother myself. I am not a failure.
I became successful despite the fact I was largely raised in a father-absent home.
I am not one to bash fathers. Far from it. I had an excellent father and grandfather. These men loved children, participated actively in the lives of their families, and modeled nurturing love for the next generation. Even though my parents were divorced, my father remained an influence, even at a distance. In addition, I have met children raised by single fathers who have turned out extremely well. Thus, I know from personal experience that fathers are important. But I also know that fathering can come in many forms, and there is no one, single formula for raising successful children. Single mothers can raise successful children, too.
History proves this. Here is a list of successful people from http://www.thelizlibrary.org/ who were also raised in father-absent homes:
Alexander Hamilton - President Gen. George Washington - President Thomas Jefferson - President James Monroe - President Andrew Jackson - President Andrew Johnson - President Rutherford B. Hayes - President Herbert Hoover - President Grover Cleveland - President Gerald Ford - President William Jefferson Clinton - President Barack Obama - U.S. Supreme Court Justice James Wilson - U.S. Supreme Court Justice John Rutledge - John Hancock - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Stephen Johnson Field - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Thomas Todd - U.S. Supreme Court Justice David Davis - U.S. Supreme Court Justice John McKinley - U.S. Supreme Court Ch. Justice (and U.S. Treasury Secretary) Salmon P. Chase - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Melville Fuller - U.S. Supreme Court Ch. Justice Edward D. White - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Benjamin N. Cardozo - U.S. Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas - U.S. Supreme Court Justice James F. Byrnes - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Arthur J. Goldberg - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas - Frederick Douglas - Gen. Robert E. Lee - Booker T. Washington - Benjamin Rush - Stephen Colbert - George Mason - Fr. Gen. Marquis de Lafayette - U.S. Senator Henry Clay - William Tecumseh Sherman - Meriwether Lewis - Eleanor Roosevelt - Jackie Robinson - Mark Twain - George Washington Carver - Nathanial Hawthorne - Eli Whitney Jr. - U.S. House Majority Leader Steny Hamilton Hoyer - Michael Phelps - Linus Carl Pauling - Aristotle - Nicolas Copernicus - Sir Isaac Newton - Mahatma Gandhi - Leonardo da Vinci - Confucius - Jesus of Nazareth - Queen Elizabeth I - Jean-Jacques Rousseau - William Blackstone - Annie Mansfield Sullivan - Alexander Fleming - Nelson Mandela - Catherine the Great of Russia - Robert Frost - Langston Hughes - Alexandre Dumas - Gen. Alexander Haig - Alabama Governor Bibb Graves - New York Governor Al Smith - Tennessee Governor Sam Houston - Indiana Supreme Court Justice William Allen Woods - U.S. Senator Al Sharpton - U.S. Senator Senator Robert C. "Bob" Smith - U.S. Senator John Ensign - U.S. Senator Bella Abzug - U.S. Senator William Warren "Bill" Bradley - U.S. Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan - Queen Victoria of Britain - Alan Greenspan - Plato - Alessandro Volta - Jim Clark - Ada Lovelace - Jane Austen - George Eastman - Rosa Parks - Roy Wilson Howard - Washington State Senator Paull Shin - Johann Sebastian Bach - Gottfried Wilhelm von Leibniz - Lance Armstrong - John Lennon - Hans Christian Andersen - Edward Jenner - Giacomo Puccini - Joseph John ("J.J.") Thomson - Bertrand Russell - Hermann Rorschach - Herman Melville - John Keats - Marian Anderson - Garry Kasparov - Sylvia Plath - Leo Tolstoy - Peyton Rous - Benjamin Carson - Raphael - David Hume - Hannah Arendt - Ralph Waldo Emerson - Stephen Crane - Friedrich Nietzsche - Agatha Christie - William Wordsworth - Max Weber - Cleopatra - Jesse Jackson - Audie Murphy - Gustav Theodor Fechner - Edgar Allen Poe - Emile Zola - William Smith - Gerald Bull - Willa Cather - Ritchie Valens - Daniel Dennett - Cass Gilbert - Mary Leakey - Joseph Stalin - Charlie Chaplin - Nelly Bly - Henry Morton Stanley - Max Born - Sarah Breedlove - Frederick Froebel - Steve Allen - Louis Armstrong - Warren Hastings - Allan Pinkerton - Billie Holiday - Hank Williams - Malcolm X - Carol Burnett - Thomas Green Clemson - John Irving - J.R.R. Tolkien - Charles Bronson - Tom Blake - Paulette Goddard - Gene Hackman - Robert Hooke - James Byron Dean - Halle Berry - Benjamin Bratt - Eddie Murphy - Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg - Deborah Sampson - Ralph Ellison - California Supreme Court Justice Rose Bird - Eric Clapton - Eamon de Valera - William Reddington Hewlett - J. Marvin Herndon - Mother Angelica - Karl Rove - Julius Caesar - Muhammed - Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick - F. Whitten Peters - Henry Talbot - Arthur C. Clarke - Jim Rogan - Frederick W. Alt - Emil J. Freireich - Willie Nelson - Charlotte Perkins Gilman - Victor - Herbert - Bessie Coleman - Dorothy Andersen - Chiang Kai-shek - Videl Sassoon - Coco Chanel - Anderson Hayes Cooper - James Brown - Kenneth Grahame - Hunter "Patch" Adams - Jack Nicholson - Roald Dahl - William Lloyd Garrison - Douglas Fairbanks - David Harker - Robert Fulton - Irving Berlin - Jonathan Swift - Peggy Drexler - Art Buchwald - Carolyn Jones - Doris Roberts - Loretta Young - Marilyn Monroe - Barbara Stanwick - Steve McQueen - Cher - Pierce Brosnan - Wayne Dyer - Francis Alice Kellor - Sophia Loren - Stephen King - Sir Charles Bell - Whoopi Goldberg - Richard Wright - Percy Spencer - Ward Connerly - Fatty Arbuckle - Katherine Burr Blodgett - Dorothea Lange - Frances Kellor - Gloria Steinem - Gloria Gaynor - Jon Stewart - Bette Davis - Audrey Hepburn - Tom Cruise - Bill Cosby - Barry White - Susanna Harding - Jodie Foster - Patsy Cline - Ed Bradley - Tom Monaghan - Rickey Henderson....
And you can read more . . .
Are you doomed to failure?
I am so tired of hearing that children raised by single mothers are doomed for failure. Jail. Worse.
I was raised by a single mom. And a married mom. And a single dad. And a married dad. And two step-parents. I was raised by a host of people. However, I lived my life with my mother, and I shared her status, so I can say that I was raised largely by a single mother. And I don't mean to brag, but I do have to say that I am a contributor to my society, a Ph. D., and a good mother myself. I am not a failure.
I became successful despite the fact I was largely raised in a father-absent home.
I am not one to bash fathers. Far from it. I had an excellent father and grandfather. These men loved children, participated actively in the lives of their families, and modeled nurturing love for the next generation. Even though my parents were divorced, my father remained an influence, even at a distance. In addition, I have met children raised by single fathers who have turned out extremely well. Thus, I know from personal experience that fathers are important. But I also know that fathering can come in many forms, and there is no one, single formula for raising successful children. Single mothers can raise successful children, too.
History proves this. Here is a list of successful people from http://www.thelizlibrary.org/ who were also raised in father-absent homes:
Alexander Hamilton - President Gen. George Washington - President Thomas Jefferson - President James Monroe - President Andrew Jackson - President Andrew Johnson - President Rutherford B. Hayes - President Herbert Hoover - President Grover Cleveland - President Gerald Ford - President William Jefferson Clinton - President Barack Obama - U.S. Supreme Court Justice James Wilson - U.S. Supreme Court Justice John Rutledge - John Hancock - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Stephen Johnson Field - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Thomas Todd - U.S. Supreme Court Justice David Davis - U.S. Supreme Court Justice John McKinley - U.S. Supreme Court Ch. Justice (and U.S. Treasury Secretary) Salmon P. Chase - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Melville Fuller - U.S. Supreme Court Ch. Justice Edward D. White - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Benjamin N. Cardozo - U.S. Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas - U.S. Supreme Court Justice James F. Byrnes - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Arthur J. Goldberg - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas - Frederick Douglas - Gen. Robert E. Lee - Booker T. Washington - Benjamin Rush - Stephen Colbert - George Mason - Fr. Gen. Marquis de Lafayette - U.S. Senator Henry Clay - William Tecumseh Sherman - Meriwether Lewis - Eleanor Roosevelt - Jackie Robinson - Mark Twain - George Washington Carver - Nathanial Hawthorne - Eli Whitney Jr. - U.S. House Majority Leader Steny Hamilton Hoyer - Michael Phelps - Linus Carl Pauling - Aristotle - Nicolas Copernicus - Sir Isaac Newton - Mahatma Gandhi - Leonardo da Vinci - Confucius - Jesus of Nazareth - Queen Elizabeth I - Jean-Jacques Rousseau - William Blackstone - Annie Mansfield Sullivan - Alexander Fleming - Nelson Mandela - Catherine the Great of Russia - Robert Frost - Langston Hughes - Alexandre Dumas - Gen. Alexander Haig - Alabama Governor Bibb Graves - New York Governor Al Smith - Tennessee Governor Sam Houston - Indiana Supreme Court Justice William Allen Woods - U.S. Senator Al Sharpton - U.S. Senator Senator Robert C. "Bob" Smith - U.S. Senator John Ensign - U.S. Senator Bella Abzug - U.S. Senator William Warren "Bill" Bradley - U.S. Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan - Queen Victoria of Britain - Alan Greenspan - Plato - Alessandro Volta - Jim Clark - Ada Lovelace - Jane Austen - George Eastman - Rosa Parks - Roy Wilson Howard - Washington State Senator Paull Shin - Johann Sebastian Bach - Gottfried Wilhelm von Leibniz - Lance Armstrong - John Lennon - Hans Christian Andersen - Edward Jenner - Giacomo Puccini - Joseph John ("J.J.") Thomson - Bertrand Russell - Hermann Rorschach - Herman Melville - John Keats - Marian Anderson - Garry Kasparov - Sylvia Plath - Leo Tolstoy - Peyton Rous - Benjamin Carson - Raphael - David Hume - Hannah Arendt - Ralph Waldo Emerson - Stephen Crane - Friedrich Nietzsche - Agatha Christie - William Wordsworth - Max Weber - Cleopatra - Jesse Jackson - Audie Murphy - Gustav Theodor Fechner - Edgar Allen Poe - Emile Zola - William Smith - Gerald Bull - Willa Cather - Ritchie Valens - Daniel Dennett - Cass Gilbert - Mary Leakey - Joseph Stalin - Charlie Chaplin - Nelly Bly - Henry Morton Stanley - Max Born - Sarah Breedlove - Frederick Froebel - Steve Allen - Louis Armstrong - Warren Hastings - Allan Pinkerton - Billie Holiday - Hank Williams - Malcolm X - Carol Burnett - Thomas Green Clemson - John Irving - J.R.R. Tolkien - Charles Bronson - Tom Blake - Paulette Goddard - Gene Hackman - Robert Hooke - James Byron Dean - Halle Berry - Benjamin Bratt - Eddie Murphy - Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg - Deborah Sampson - Ralph Ellison - California Supreme Court Justice Rose Bird - Eric Clapton - Eamon de Valera - William Reddington Hewlett - J. Marvin Herndon - Mother Angelica - Karl Rove - Julius Caesar - Muhammed - Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick - F. Whitten Peters - Henry Talbot - Arthur C. Clarke - Jim Rogan - Frederick W. Alt - Emil J. Freireich - Willie Nelson - Charlotte Perkins Gilman - Victor - Herbert - Bessie Coleman - Dorothy Andersen - Chiang Kai-shek - Videl Sassoon - Coco Chanel - Anderson Hayes Cooper - James Brown - Kenneth Grahame - Hunter "Patch" Adams - Jack Nicholson - Roald Dahl - William Lloyd Garrison - Douglas Fairbanks - David Harker - Robert Fulton - Irving Berlin - Jonathan Swift - Peggy Drexler - Art Buchwald - Carolyn Jones - Doris Roberts - Loretta Young - Marilyn Monroe - Barbara Stanwick - Steve McQueen - Cher - Pierce Brosnan - Wayne Dyer - Francis Alice Kellor - Sophia Loren - Stephen King - Sir Charles Bell - Whoopi Goldberg - Richard Wright - Percy Spencer - Ward Connerly - Fatty Arbuckle - Katherine Burr Blodgett - Dorothea Lange - Frances Kellor - Gloria Steinem - Gloria Gaynor - Jon Stewart - Bette Davis - Audrey Hepburn - Tom Cruise - Bill Cosby - Barry White - Susanna Harding - Jodie Foster - Patsy Cline - Ed Bradley - Tom Monaghan - Rickey Henderson....
And you can read more . . .
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
MOTHER FINDS SAFE HAVEN AT OUR MOTHERS HOUSEMeet Lisa Thomas and her daughter, Lupita. Her advice to single mothers on the verge of homelessness is: "People will support you. Just reach out." Her story:
She married Lupita's father, a contractor with a thriving pool enclosure business. "Everything was great."
That is, until the construction and real estate industries collapsed and Thomas learned that she was pregnant. "I took maternity leave; then the market dried up and I had no job to go back to."
Her husband dealt with the stress by turning to alcohol and drugs. Thomas said that she "tried to get him to go to AA, to get help, because I knew that, if I left, Lupita and I would be homeless."
The final straw was when her electricity was disconnected because her husband used the money for alcohol.
She moved into Our Mother's House, a Catholic Charities organization, in June 2007.
She works at McDonalds for $7 an hour and is looking for a second job. "I can do clerical work, administrative work, sales. I am bilingual. I have an excellent résumé and references."
Thomas is also a full-time student at Manatee Community College. She dreams of earning her master's degree and becoming a social worker. "I want to make a difference."
Read the rest of article . . .
Thursday, December 25, 2008
OWN HOME FOR CHRISTMASGabriella Silletti was so excited about her new home she started moving in immediately after signing closing papers.
Where others might see only four walls, Silletti sees a secure future for herself and her three children.
"It's just a stable environment for the kids," she said. "It's just great."
Her children, ages 7, 10 and 14, are settling in easily, she said. "They're trying to just unpack their boxes and organize their rooms, and they wonder how long it's going to smell like a new house."
After renting an apartment for years, Silletti said her children now have a place to ride their bikes. "We've always had an apartment, but you can't tell them to go out in the backyard and play. . .
Since that night when she found out she would receive a Habitat home, she said the work has been near constant, and she's spent every Saturday since construction began helping build her home.
"It's s a tremendous amount of work, and its hard", she said. "You either had to shovel and dig and rake and hammer. I'm scared of heights, and they got me up on the roof three times."
Silletti said that although life as a single mom can be an exercise in adversity, this experience has given her perspective.
I view people and life in a different way, that there really are people out there that are good to their word and can help you.
Continue reading this article . . .
Habitat for Humanity is one of my favorite organizations, homegrown here in the South. I've helped out at different Habitat sites in South Carolina, and I can surely say that this is one program that works for single mothers. The hammer, for a woman, can be a powerful psychological as well as physical tool. I know that when I help build something myself, I feel stronger and more proud. "Look, I did that." And I can see that look on the faces of the single mothers described in this article. And that look can change lives.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
SINGLE MOTHER PERSEVERES TO EARN LAW DEGREEWICHITA, Kan. — Latina Alston is not yet 30. She has three children out of wedlock with three fathers, two of whom have not helped much with the kids. She raised the children in poverty all their lives.
That's about to change . . .
Earlier this month, as Sedgwick County, Kan.'s newest assistant public defender, she helped clear a Wichita, Kan., man of charges that could have put him in prison for years. He was innocent, she said.
Eight days before Christmas, she closed on a house that she will move into with her children - and her mother.
Read the rest of the article . . .
You can also read about Latina at the blog Womanist Musings.
Latina's example counters the negative stereotypes about single mothers. I know people say, "not all single mothers can do this," in an effort to explain why some other mothers aren't doing as well as Latina. And I agree. Sorta. What I would say is that all single mothers can't do this on someone else's schedule. But give them the time and the support, and just see what they can do!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
PROGRAM PROVIDES CAR LOANS TO SINGLE MOTHERS
Gina Brown, 23, goes to school part time and works full time at Meta House, a residential treatment house for women. Last winter, she said, she was continually late for work because of the bus schedule.
A co-worker told her about Ways to Work, which is operated in Milwaukee through the Social Development Commission. Now she has a 1999 Ford Contour she purchased from a reputable dealer for $3,600. It's in good condition, and not only gets her to work on time but helped her get a promotion and a raise. She's now a family facilitator and parenting assistant because the car allows her to transport clients to medical appointments and help them get their children enrolled in school.
She can also drive her 3-year-old son to Head Start.
"Ways to Work is not the run-of-the-mill handout," she said. "There's lot of stigma for me being lower income and a single mother, but with this you have to work to earn the trust of the board that you will pay them back."
"It makes me feel I am able to do something. Yeah, my credit is bad and yeah, I'm a single mom. But I have a chance."
Read the rest of the article . . .
For more information on cars for single mothers.
Here is a great example of how we could be using more of the micro-credit programs we fund overseas right here at home -- to help our own moms help themselves by starting home business that build on their unique areas of expertise.
And it's a more cost-efficient bail out than for our auto industry.
Monday, December 22, 2008
SOUTHERN SINGLE MOMS HOPE TO START OWN BUSINESS
TRYON, NC - A group of single mothers never dreamed a small black laptop box filled with scraps could become an opportunity to provide their children with presents this Christmas, but it did.
The women are using the discarded fabrics, buttons, sticks and even ham bones to create beautiful dolls that rival collectibles sold in expensive shops and boutiques. Prices start at $10, but most cost about $35.
The mothers started about a month ago, and the dolls are for sale at the Red Clover Gallery in Landrum through Wednesday.
The women say they won't stop making the dolls after the holidays. Each is sewn by hand and has a story to tell.
Dolls with names like "Hero" and "My Little Ginger Baby" are some of the latest creations.
The sewers' fingers have small scratches and scars from working so hard, but they hope making dolls can become a full-time business and a way out of poverty.
Read the rest of the article . . .
You can contact the Red Clover Gallery at (864) 457-3311 or info (at) redclovergallery.com
Supporting single mothers -- it isn't about bailouts or handouts. It's about finding what someone can do, and helping her do it.
TRYON, NC - A group of single mothers never dreamed a small black laptop box filled with scraps could become an opportunity to provide their children with presents this Christmas, but it did.The women are using the discarded fabrics, buttons, sticks and even ham bones to create beautiful dolls that rival collectibles sold in expensive shops and boutiques. Prices start at $10, but most cost about $35.
The mothers started about a month ago, and the dolls are for sale at the Red Clover Gallery in Landrum through Wednesday.
The women say they won't stop making the dolls after the holidays. Each is sewn by hand and has a story to tell.
Dolls with names like "Hero" and "My Little Ginger Baby" are some of the latest creations.
The sewers' fingers have small scratches and scars from working so hard, but they hope making dolls can become a full-time business and a way out of poverty.
Read the rest of the article . . .
You can contact the Red Clover Gallery at (864) 457-3311 or info (at) redclovergallery.com
Supporting single mothers -- it isn't about bailouts or handouts. It's about finding what someone can do, and helping her do it.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
We keep our heads down, trying to not bring attention to ourselves.
I only have two single mother friends, and I don't see many other single mothers in my local community. However, I am know there are more of us around here. The SC State Budget and Control Board reports 37.7% of births to single mothers and 27.1% of children living in single parent families in my county. So why don’t I see more of us?
Maybe because we need to keep our heads down.
I live in a conservative state that calls for family values but ranks among the lowest on the measurements that would demonstrate real value for families. One could see this as a failure of our state's political and social systems. One could see this as politicians saying one thing, then doing another. One could see it as a failure to put into action the Christian values that color the dominant political vision.
But that is not how it gets spun here in South Carolina. Instead, the general belief is that it is not "us" who is causing the problems. It is "them" -- those without family values, those immoral women who raise children without marriage. Single moms become the scapegoats for our state's problems.
I've had people say to my face that "single mothers are killing this state." When I point out that I am a single mother, they say, "But not you." Even though my existence and that of other single mothers of all ethnicities, classes, and sexualities disproves the stereotype, they choose to believe I am an exception to the rule rather than rethinking the rule altogether. The stereotype runs deep into racial and class prejudices, and it's hard to change.
So, why should we speak up? Let ourselves be labeled? Better to go about our days, quietly raising our families, working our jobs, and caring for our communities.
Or is it?
If we continue to be silent, we won't know how to find one another. We will leave those definitions of single motherhood unchallenged. We will find ourselves alone in the middle of a community that doesn't understand us. We need to help others understand, and to do that, we need to let others see us. The invisibility of real single mothers serves no one but those who would make us scapegoats.
So, consider stepping up and stepping out, and don't let southern single motherhood be defined by anyone other than us.
I only have two single mother friends, and I don't see many other single mothers in my local community. However, I am know there are more of us around here. The SC State Budget and Control Board reports 37.7% of births to single mothers and 27.1% of children living in single parent families in my county. So why don’t I see more of us?
Maybe because we need to keep our heads down.
I live in a conservative state that calls for family values but ranks among the lowest on the measurements that would demonstrate real value for families. One could see this as a failure of our state's political and social systems. One could see this as politicians saying one thing, then doing another. One could see it as a failure to put into action the Christian values that color the dominant political vision.
But that is not how it gets spun here in South Carolina. Instead, the general belief is that it is not "us" who is causing the problems. It is "them" -- those without family values, those immoral women who raise children without marriage. Single moms become the scapegoats for our state's problems.
I've had people say to my face that "single mothers are killing this state." When I point out that I am a single mother, they say, "But not you." Even though my existence and that of other single mothers of all ethnicities, classes, and sexualities disproves the stereotype, they choose to believe I am an exception to the rule rather than rethinking the rule altogether. The stereotype runs deep into racial and class prejudices, and it's hard to change.
So, why should we speak up? Let ourselves be labeled? Better to go about our days, quietly raising our families, working our jobs, and caring for our communities.
Or is it?
If we continue to be silent, we won't know how to find one another. We will leave those definitions of single motherhood unchallenged. We will find ourselves alone in the middle of a community that doesn't understand us. We need to help others understand, and to do that, we need to let others see us. The invisibility of real single mothers serves no one but those who would make us scapegoats.
So, consider stepping up and stepping out, and don't let southern single motherhood be defined by anyone other than us.
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