Bristol Palin and Single Motherhood

Julie Shapiro, a family law professor at the University of Seattle School of Law, is watching the coverage of Bristol Palin's move from the soon-to-be-married mother category into the single mother role. She asserts that many people would like to see Bristol married, thus out of the negative "single mom" category all together. In another blog post, Shapiro explains why: "the cure we often seek is to assign the single-mother family a man to be the “missing” father. Alternative solutions (good child-care, flexible workplaces, adequate health care, general parental support services) are rarely considered." As I watch Bristol being taken care of by her extended family and her community, I can't help but see a more "compassionate conservative" response that could serve as a better model for addressing single motherhood than the current one of punishment, blame, and shunning that coerces too-young marriage on top of too-young parenthood. Cynthia Tucker from the Atlanta Constitution says "Bristol’s unplanned motherhood offers us another chance to get beyond blame and look for solutions." I agree.

Interestingly enough, the Palin family is employing an an age-old model. In matrilineal and matrilocal societies like the ancient Cherokee, the sexual bond was not believed to be strong enough to sustain a family. The mother and her children stayed with her family -- to be visited by the father of the children. The primary male influence on the child (very important to the Cherokee) came from the maternal grandfathers and uncles. This way, no matter the status of the marriage between the mother and the father -- the children were secure, safe, and supported by both male and female role models. So, perhaps the Palin family has it right. Bristol and her out-of-wedlock child may have a better chance of financial success if Bristol doesn't marry and stays with her family instead.

Don't get me wrong. I am no fan of Bristol's mother. I am, however, impressed with her support of her daughter, especially because of its political implications.

If we accept that teenage single mothers like Bristol deserve support from their families and community, then that suggests that other teenage single mothers may also be deserving of support, not blame and shunning. So what about the ones without families to support them? Where will they and their children get support? These are the questions that Bristol's example raises.

However, I know how this will work. Conservatives tend to the hypocritical -- "what is true for me, isn't true for them." Other families aren't, well, as "good" as the Palin family. So, the Palin family will do what it must, but despite this stunning example of a how we can support teenage single mothers differently, the conservative vision will remain the same. Sadly.

But here in the south, where we pride ourselves on strong family ties -- shouldn't we do better than to abandon our teenage daughters and their children to their own fates, hide the wrongs by quick marriages, or schedule secret adoptions or abortions to save public face? We can do better. And we should.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy reports that:

* At the time of their child's birth, more than half of unmarried teen mothers say they are either "certain" or chances are "good" they will marry the biological father of their child. However, 8 out of 10 fathers don't ever marry the teen mother of their child.
* Despite high expectations for marriage, fewer than 8% of teen mothers marry their baby's father within one year of the birth of their child.
* Teenagers who have a non-marital birth are also significantly less likely to be married by the age of 35 than those who do not have babies as teens.
* Marriage among teens is rare -- in 2002 only 2.5% of teens had ever been married, compared to 11% in 1975.
* As recently as 1980, the majority of teen births (52%) were marital births. By 2002, only 20% of teen births occurred within marriage.
* Teen marriages are twice as likely to fail as marriages in which the woman is at least 25 years old.
* It is also the case that most single mothers of all ages who have a child as a result of an unplanned pregnancy remain single and most cohabiting mothers either continue cohabiting or break up with their partner.