New Radio Show on Single Motherhood by Choice
Today, Choice Moms™ launched the "Choosing Single Motherhood" radio show, hosted by Choice Moms founder Mikki Morrissette. The one-hour weekly talk radio show is specifically designed for the thousands of single women who proactively decide to build a family on their own.
The show will air every Wednesday from 1-2 p.m. PST and 4-5 p.m. EST on VoiceAmerica's Variety Channel. The first show airs on Wednesday, April 1, 2009, with special guest Jane Mattes, founder of the Single Mothers by Choice organization.
I'm not a single mom by choice, by the strictest definition. But when I read Mary Pols' book Accidentally on Purpose, where she talks about getting pregnant by accident but turning it into a new purpose for her life, I identified. Told that I would never have children, I was more than surprised to find myself at 36 and pregnant and single. When I told the father of my child, he proposed marriage, then changed his mind and offered me a large payment to, essentially, go away.
I thought that I would raise this child alone, and I was scared. I wondered if I could do it. But then my mother said: "Amy, here is your miracle child. You wanted a child, didn't think you would have one, and now is your chance." Miracle child. Yes, she was. So I decided to become a single mother. By choice. She became my purpose.
But I was derailed by my own self-doubt. Her father (though Jewish) spoke to a priest who convinced him that while a child might not be convenient, he couldn't simply tell me to walk away. He decided he wanted us to be a family -- and I wanted to do the right thing as well. And I was afraid to go it alone. So we married. Of course, it didn't last.
I wish I had seen more support for the choice to become a single mom back then, like this radio show. Perhaps I would have had more confidence in myself than to enter into a bad marriage situation. Perhaps I would have made a different choice. I found out that I can be a great mom while single -- and that knowledge can help any mother who becomes single -- by choice, by divorce, or by being widowed. So even though I am not a mother by choice in the same way as these mothers, I still support their work in encouraging women to believe in themselves enough to become the mothers they can be -- regardless of their relationship status.
4 comments:
In one respect women are lucky, because they have the ability to be a single mother by choice. I had wanted children for a long time, but was not ready to get married. Can you imagine the odds of finding a woman willing to give you a child that you get to keep and raise separate from her?
I wanted to be a single father by choice, but for a man that is not a choice we are allowed to make.
In time I did change and believe that it is better to raise children in family with a loving father and mother. Raising 3 children as a single father taught me a lot. And seeing the impact on my life of small, but important things, that I missed as a result of being raised by my single father has helped me to better appreciate what a child gains from a loving father and mother.
Of course, a bad parental relationship is worse than have just a single parent.
Still, only women really have that option. Even in divorce a man can't just be the better parent to get the children. He has to prove the mother unfit to be their mother.
I'm not a conventional single mother by choice either, Amy. But I believe there are always choices. There's a choice to embrace your life and the way it has been laid out in front of you -- or there's a choice to wallow in the what if's and 'would have beens' and not make the most of every day. I choose the former, and I have to do that every day...multiple times a day, because when things didn't turn out as you planned, sometimes it's necessary to dissect the day and find all the hidden gems. My kid are healthy and happy - and all the circumstances in my life have made me resilient and strong - not weak - not broken. That was a very conscious and deliberate choice.
Your story and words here are a beautiful reminder of the importance of building our communities. I hope it's okay that I posted your words to the Choice Moms blog (http://choicemom.blogspot.com/), which tends to deal with the politics of this choice.
Mikki
Founder, Choice Moms
Thanks for the thoughtful comments!
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